To all of you that have left the encour­ag­ing sup­port­ive comments,

“Thank You.”

When I launched Strengthen the Har­mony between Your Life, Fam­ily and Work my instinct and con­sult­ing work with busi­nesses and non­profit orga­ni­za­tions told me there was a need for peo­ple to look at their life from a holis­tic per­spec­tive.  But I had no idea if this would res­onate with read­ers.  Thank you so much for your encourge­ment.  I will con­tinue to write from my heart and hope that the top­ics res­onate with you.

Please feel free to sug­gest ideas for top­ics from your own life.

Thanks again for your sup­port­ive comments

The hol­i­days are almost upon us.  Many of us will be spend­ing time with fam­ily.  Some of us look for­ward to that and oth­ers of us dread it.

Think about your fam­ily life for a moment. If you are like most peo­ple, there are a vari­ety of dynam­ics that sur­round your fam­ily.   You get along, you don’t get along.  You laugh and have fun and you storm and yell.  You talk to each other and you don’t talk to each other.  You love your sib­lings, but you can’t wait to go home and get away from them.  You love your par­ents, but they drive you nuts.  You love your own kids, but you can’t stand them at times and you can’t wait for them to grow up and leave home. (OK,  I can hear some of you chuck­ling and nod­ding your heads, espe­cially if you have teenagers.)

So what can you draw upon when con­flicts arise and you need to save your san­ity?  You can draw upon your core val­ues.  Your core val­ues are your foun­da­tion.  They are your guid­ing prin­ci­ples.  And if they are truly your core val­ues, they are very slow to change.  They pro­vide you with con­stancy and clear direc­tion.  So when con­flict arises in your fam­ily, get clear on your own core val­ues and then assess whether your fam­ily — includ­ing your chil­dren — know and under­stand your core values.

Hav­ing a con­ver­sa­tion with your chil­dren about your core val­ues will help them to under­stand the rea­sons for rules, guide­lines and your con­cern about accept­able and unac­cept­able behavior.

And as you get clar­ity of your core val­ues, check them to deter­mine if there is one that allows for respect and tol­er­ance.  A num­ber of fam­ily issues are caused by people’s inabil­ity to respect dif­fer­ences and allow a fam­ily mem­ber to be dif­fer­ent than the fam­ily norm.

Reg­is­ter for a Strengthen the Har­mony work­shop to bring more har­mony into your life and family.

As I lis­ten to the mul­ti­tude of news sto­ries about one of the world’s best golfers crash­ing his vehi­cle in the early morn­ing hours and as the  details unfold about his pri­vate life, I am sad­dened for him, his wife and fam­ily and for us.  This is just one more high pro­file celebrity who has momen­tar­ily self-destructed. It is one more high pro­file per­son who in moments of indis­cre­tion has jeop­ar­dized his career and his fam­ily life.

Then I step back and try to gain per­spec­tive and real­ize we all have sim­i­lar vul­ner­a­bil­i­ties.  We all can stray from our paths, our fam­i­lies and our beliefs.

So what is it that enables us to stay true to our core val­ues?  What is it that enable us once we fal­ter to get back on track?

I don’t have the answer to that. But I do know the clearer you are about your core val­ues, the harder it is to ignore them.  Clar­ity brings focus and strength.  In your per­sonal life and in your busi­ness life.

To get clar­ity about your core val­ues, check out the Core  Val­ues eCourse for a sim­ple resource to guide you in clar­i­fy­ing your core values.

To strengthen the har­mony in your life, reg­is­ter for a Strengthen the Har­mony workshop.

Today is Thanks­giv­ing.  A day for giv­ing thanks, enjoy­ing fam­ily, friends, good food and football.

So what are you truly thank­ful for?  Do you really rec­og­nize the bless­ings in your life even when your life seems to be out-of-control?  Or is it out-of-control because you are not rec­og­niz­ing the bless­ings in your life?

Do you keep a grat­i­tude jour­nal?  Writ­ing down what you are grate­ful for every day is one way to keep “Thanks­giv­ing” and your bless­ings in mind every day of the year.  I’ve used this tip and it is amaz­ing how it shifts my atti­tude and what it brings into my life.  (like the courage to launch Strengthen the Har­mony.)  It doesn’t have to be a “big deal” type of jour­nal.  Mine is just a small book (with a beau­ti­ful cover).  It takes me 3 — 5 min­utes to write a list of what I am thank­ful for.  I just use a sim­ple for­mat.  “Today I am thank­ful for.….  It is amaz­ing when you reflect on your day, the things that are bless­ings -  my hus­band who made cof­fee for me that day,  the purr of my black cat when she sits on my lap, the enthu­si­as­tic wel­come from our Great Danes when I come home, the email mes­sage from a friend, the client who sent a pay­ment, a phone con­ver­sa­tion with my mom, the hugs from my grand­chil­dren, the phone call from my daugh­ter or son, the flow­ers in my gar­dens, the new snow on the ground.   My Grat­i­tude Jour­nal helps me shift my focus to “what is.”

Give it a try.  I write long hand, but maybe the com­puter is a bet­ter option for you.  Or record it on your cell phone. Or on your knees pray­ing.  Just use what­ever method works best for you.

Happy Thanks­giv­ing.  And I am truly grate­ful for this blog and the oppor­tu­nity to chat with all of you!

If you are an employee, do you know the core val­ues of the busi­ness or orga­ni­za­tion that you work for?  Do you know the core val­ues of your super­vi­sor?  Of your colleagues?

If you are a busi­ness owner, have you clearly iden­ti­fied the core val­ues of your busi­ness? Have you artic­u­lated them to your employ­ees? And do you insist that the com­pany cul­ture and code of behav­ior reflect those values?

Core val­ues help you get to the root cause of dis­agree­ments and issues that cause stress, con­flict and anx­i­ety in the work­place.  Core val­ues address the root cause instead of solv­ing a symptom.

In my strat­egy con­sult­ing busi­ness, I see lots of peo­ple in orga­ni­za­tions solv­ing symp­toms instead of resolv­ing root causes. The trou­ble with solv­ing a symp­tom is another symp­tom will just sur­face to take its place because the root cause has not been addressed.  This causes more time to be spent on solv­ing another symp­tom tak­ing time away from work­ing on the work of the orga­ni­za­tion.  It also causes more stress, anx­i­ety and dis­sat­is­fac­tion in the work­place. Who needs that?

So if you are feel­ing stress, anx­i­ety or dis­sat­is­fac­tion in the work­place, check in with your core values.

Here’s a lit­tle activ­ity to help you deter­mine if you core val­ues are a good fit with your employer’s.  On a piece of paper, 1.write down your core val­ues. (See post in Your Life.)  2. Write down exam­ples of how each core value is “drawn into play” in your work­place.  3. Write the core val­ues of your employer.  (If you don’t know the core val­ues, check if any are pub­lished on the company’s web­site.  Or ask some­one who might know.)  Then com­pare your core val­ues to the those of the orga­ni­za­tion.  Are they aligned? Are there areas of conflict?

Know­ing if there is align­ment or dif­fer­ences will help you deter­mine if you need to take action to make changes — In your own life or in your workplace.

And if you need a resource to help you clar­ify your core val­ues, check out the Core Val­ues eCourse.  It is a good tool to get you started.

Visit www.StrengthenTheHarmony.com to reg­is­ter for a webi­nar. Or give the Gift of Webi­nar to some­one you care about.

Young mom car­ry­ing son

Core val­ues… we all have them, whether we acknowl­edge them or not.  So what are yours?  Can you eas­ily tell some­one what your core val­ues are?  Do you design your life around your core val­ues?  Do you live your core values?

Most of us would be able to say “Of course, I know my core val­ues.”  If that is true, then try writ­ing them down.  I think you will dis­cover that when you try to write your core val­ues, it is much harder than expected.  Try also writ­ing how a spe­cific core value man­i­fests in your daily life.  This is a great exer­cise.  How can we expect our chil­dren, spouses, rel­a­tives, employ­ers and friends to “get us” if we are not clear in our own minds about the guid­ing prin­ci­ples we draw upon to make deci­sions.  Think of how much eas­ier it would be to get your kids to under­stand your rules, if they knew your core val­ues.  Think how much eas­ier it would be to inter­act with your spouse or best friend if they knew your core val­ues.  This could be a great con­ver­sa­tion starter.

If you are look­ing for a resource to help you clar­ify your core val­ues, check out the Core Val­ues eCourse.  It is a good tool to get you started.

To add more har­mony to your life, reg­is­ter for a  Strengthen the Har­mony webinar.

Learn­ing a new skill

In this econ­omy it is more impor­tant than ever to keep your skills up-to-date.  It also is impor­tant to keep learn­ing new skills to keep your­self valu­able and able to han­dle new tasks.

I’ve been expe­ri­enc­ing the roller coaster of learn­ing new skills for the last sev­eral months.  I’m try­ing to become adept at the tech­nol­ogy involved in cre­at­ing and run­ning an online busi­ness.  There have been moments of sheer frus­tra­tion.  And there have been moments of sheer exhil­a­ra­tion.  I’ve learned to insert prod­ucts in my shop­ping cart.  I finally fig­ured out how to cre­ate my own web­site tem­plates.  The long hours of try­ing to under­stand Joomla, Word­Press, Dreamweaver, blogs, squidoos, arti­cle mar­ket­ing, link­ing and much more is finally start­ing to make sense.  I feel like I’m try­ing to learn a for­eign lan­guage and liv­ing in a for­eign coun­try.  I’ve had major melt­downs. I’ve had to walk away from it all to regain my per­spec­tive.  I’ve had cel­e­bra­tions to acknowl­edge mas­ter­ing a task.  I’ve got­ten excited to see arti­cles I’ve sub­mit­ted to direc­to­ries being viewed by web­site and blog editors.

And to my sur­prise, I kept com­ing back to try again and again.  There were many times I thought about just walk­ing away from the frus­tra­tion and expense.  But every time I walk away, I come back, try it again, and make small gains.

So what’s the les­son in this?  Per­sis­tence?  Try and try again?  Don’t give up?  If it is your pas­sion, you will prevail?

What do you think?  What expe­ri­ences have you had as you try to learn a new skill or job? How does the “try­ing” affect the har­mony in your life?

Friends.  What more can I say.  Friends can be a strong sup­port sys­tem to help you strengthen the har­mony in your life, your fam­ily and your work.  Who else will lis­ten to you as you vent, as you try to work your way through what you are deal­ing with, as your shed your tears or help you cel­e­brate when you over­come your obstacles.

The Bag Ladies Ball

I have two dear friends who just recently helped me restore some har­mony to my per­sonal per­spec­tive and work life.  We don’t live near to each other.  We don’t talk by phone often.  We might email once in awhile.  We all have our own busy lives filled with work, fam­i­lies, friends and com­mu­nity.  But we have a strong friend­ship.  We met as col­leagues over 20 years ago.  We worked for dif­fer­ent employ­ers, but served on a state-wide asso­ci­a­tion board together for a num­ber of years.  When we went dif­fer­ent ways, we dis­cov­ered we missed see­ing each other and decided that we didn’t need con­fer­ences or meet­ings as the rea­son to get together.  So we  started get­ting together for one “overnight” a year.  That has con­tin­ued for  over 25 years.  We are still get­ting together for an “overnight.”  Some­times we can even make it two nights.  Some­times we can make it twice a year.  We have dubbed our get-together the “Bag Ladies Ball.”  (At some point in our lives, we were each close to being a bag lady.  And we also show up for our get-togethers with things stuffed in a vari­ety of bags.)  Over the years we have sup­ported each other through job changes, job losses, chil­dren being teenagers, chil­dren grow­ing up and leav­ing home, chil­dren mov­ing out of state, divorce, death of par­ents and loved ones and cel­e­brated births, new begin­nings, pas­sages into dif­fer­ent stages of life and just the glo­ri­ous­ness of being still con­nected to one another.

These two friends just helped me work through a slump I was in try­ing to pull the next few pieces of my busi­ness together.  One of them is await­ing the birth of her first grand­chil­dren.  (Yes, its twins.)  The other has recently retired after a very active career and is now tak­ing time to assess and deter­mine what she wants to jump into next.

Friends!  True friends are rare.

How do you and your friends sup­port each other?  How do you deal with your dif­fer­ences?  (even the dear­est of friends can drive each other crazy once in a while.)  How do your friends help you strengthen the har­mony in your life, fam­ily and work?

An issue we are fac­ing right now is the whole quag­mire and emo­tional roller coaster sur­round­ing aging par­ents.  For­tu­nately, my par­ents, who are 88 years old, are still in fairly good health and in their own home.  They need some care, but for the most part their health and men­tal capac­ity is still allow­ing them to be independent.

On the other hand, my husband’s par­ents are not doing as well.  I’ve watched his fam­ily try to accept the loss of his mother whose delight­ful mind and per­son­al­ity has suc­cumbed to Alzheimer’s and is now in a care facil­ity.  I’ve watched his dad try to adjust to being “home alone.”  I’ve watched the sib­lings try to adjust to their mom no longer being the heart of the fam­ily.  It has been a painful and rocky road.

The role rever­sal of par­ent and child is dif­fi­cult, emo­tion­ally charged and full of pot­holes and mis­steps.  Work­ing through the paper­work and under­stand­ing the gov­ern­ment pro­grams adds another layer of work and stress.

I watched my mother and dad mas­ter the role rever­sal with dig­nity and grace as they took care of my Grand­mother who lived to be 101. Sure there were bumps. Sure there was frus­tra­tion at times.  But what I saw was the love they always shared with my Grandma.   Some­times we don’t appre­ci­ate the gifts we’ve been given or the lessons taught by exam­ple until much later.

Mom and Dad this lit­tle post is a trib­ute to you.  Thank you!

Work­places today are filled with stress. Employ­ers are stressed because of the econ­omy, for­eign com­pe­ti­tion and gov­ern­ment reg­u­la­tions. Employ­ees are stressed because of the fear of down­siz­ing, com­pe­ti­tion, the loss of their ben­e­fits, inter­ac­tion with their boss and co-workers, or increased workloads.

If stress is intrud­ing on you at work it can:

• Reduce your pro­duc­tiv­ity (which can cause more stress as your boss and co-workers rec­og­nize you are not hold­ing up your end of the job)
• Impact your health in both the short-term (colds, flu, headaches, stom­ach aches etc.)  and long-term if you don’t resolve the stress (car­dio­vas­cu­lar dis­ease, mus­cu­loskele­tal prob­lems, psy­cho­log­i­cal dis­or­ders, etc.)
• Cause you to be less sat­is­fied with your job
• Affect your rela­tion­ship with your co-workers
• Affect your rela­tion­ships with your family

The first step toward deal­ing with work­place stress is to iden­tify what is caus­ing the stress.  Once know what is caus­ing the stress, you can then work on find­ing a way to resolve it. For me, one thing that causes stress is when I don’t know how to do some­thing.  Usu­ally it involves tech­nol­ogy in some way, shape or form.  One trick I’ve learned is to step away from the task that is stress­ing me.  The sim­ple act of walk­ing away for a few min­utes calms me down and helps me to reframe my mind.  Some­times I have to leave it overnight.

Another trick I’ve learned is to check my “self talk.”  Usu­ally when I’m frus­trated and stressed, I have this unhealthy self ‘talk going on.  “I don’t know why this has to be so hard.”  “How come every­one else gets this and I don’t.”  “I just don’t get it.”  Rec­og­niz­ing the lim­it­ing self-talk and chang­ing it to:  “I can fig­ure this out.”  “I just know I can do this.” or “This is easy and fun.  I can find the infor­ma­tion I need to fig­ure it out.”  has proven over and over that I can con­trol my emo­tions and my stress.

What causes you stress in your work­place?  What tips or tricks have you used to reduce the stress and strengthen the har­mony in your life, fam­ily and work?