Seek Harmony

Harmony is like a puzzle

We advise people to seek harmony instead of balance. Harmony is defined as “a state in which various parts form a satisfying and harmonious whole” or as “a situation in which there is friendly agreement or accord.” Balance is defined as “a state in which two (or more) opposing forces or factors are of equal strength or importance so that they effectively cancel each other out and stability is maintained.” Balance implies that all aspects of your life are equal. Aligning these different factors by devoting the same amount of attention and time assumes you will be able to create balance. But the reality of seeking balance is limiting. There are times when you need to focus on one aspect of your life more than another. For instance, if you have aging parents or pre-school age children, you will need to focus a certain amount of time on those responsibilities. Or if you are a budding author, you may need to devote more hours to your writing. Give yourself permission to determine which area(s) of your life need more time and attention. Then develop a game plan that enables you to focus on those areas without jeopardizing the other aspects of your life. Remember harmony is about creating a “satisfying and harmonious whole” and implies a “friendly agreement or accord.” Find a way to discuss your game plan with the important people in your life. This can help them understand and support your choices and decisions.

“Thank You.”

When I launched Strengthen the Harmony between Your Life, Family and Work my instinct and consulting work with businesses and nonprofit organizations told me there was a need for people to look at their life from a holistic perspective.  But I had no idea if this would resonate with readers.

Thank you so much for your encourgement.  I will continue to write from my heart and hope that the topics resonate with you.

Please feel free to suggest ideas for topics from your own life.

Thanks again for your supportive comments

Think about your family life for a moment. If you are like most people, there are a variety of dynamics that surround your family.   You get along, you don’t get along.  You laugh and have fun and you storm and yell.  You talk to each other and you don’t talk to each other.  You love your siblings, but you can’t wait to go home and get away from them.  You love your parents, but they drive you nuts.  You love your own kids, but you can’t stand them at times and you can’t wait for them to grow up and leave home. (OK,  I can hear some of you chuckling and nodding your heads, especially if you have teenagers.)

So what can you draw upon when conflicts arise and you need to save your sanity?  You can draw upon your core values.  Your core values are your foundation.  They are your guiding principles.  And if they are truly your core values, they are very slow to change.  They provide you with constancy and clear direction.  So when conflict arises in your family, get clear on your own core values and then assess whether your family — including your children — know and understand your core values.

Having a conversation with your children about your core values will help them to understand the reasons for rules, guidelines and your concern about acceptable and unacceptable behavior.

And as you get clarity of your core values, check them to determine if there is one that allows for respect and tolerance.  A number of family issues are caused by people’s inability to respect differences and allow a family member to be different than the family norm.

Register for a Strengthen the Harmony workshop to bring more harmony into your life and family.

Then I step back and try to gain perspective and realize we all have similar vulnerabilities.  We all can stray from our paths, our families and our beliefs.

So what is it that enables us to stay true to our core values?  What is it that enable us once we falter to get back on track?

I don’t have the answer to that. But I do know the clearer you are about your core values, the harder it is to ignore them.  Clarity brings focus and strength.  In your personal life and in your business life.

To get clarity about your core values, check out the Core  Values eCourse for a simple resource to guide you in clarifying your core values.

To strengthen the harmony in your life, register for a Strengthen the Harmony workshop.

So what are you truly thankful for?  Do you really recognize the blessings in your life even when your life seems to be out-of-control?  Or is it out-of-control because you are not recognizing the blessings in your life?

Do you keep a gratitude journal?  Writing down what you are grateful for every day is one way to keep “Thanksgiving” and your blessings in mind every day of the year.  I’ve used this tip and it is amazing how it shifts my attitude and what it brings into my life.  (like the courage to launch Strengthen the Harmony.)  It doesn’t have to be a “big deal” type of journal.  Mine is just a small book (with a beautiful cover).  It takes me 3 — 5 minutes to write a list of what I am thankful for.  I just use a simple format.  “Today I am thankful for.….  It is amazing when you reflect on your day, the things that are blessings -  my husband who made coffee for me that day,  the purr of my black cat when she sits on my lap, the enthusiastic welcome from our Great Danes when I come home, the email message from a friend, the client who sent a payment, a phone conversation with my mom, the hugs from my grandchildren, the phone call from my daughter or son, the flowers in my gardens, the new snow on the ground.   My Gratitude Journal helps me shift my focus to “what is.”

Give it a try.  I write long hand, but maybe the computer is a better option for you.  Or record it on your cell phone. Or on your knees praying.  Just use whatever method works best for you.

Happy Thanksgiving.  And I am truly grateful for this blog and the opportunity to chat with all of you!

If you are a business owner, have you clearly identified the core values of your business? Have you articulated them to your employees? And do you insist that the company culture and code of behavior reflect those values?

Core values help you get to the root cause of disagreements and issues that cause stress, conflict and anxiety in the workplace.  Core values address the root cause instead of solving a symptom.

In my strategy consulting business, I see lots of people in organizations solving symptoms instead of resolving root causes. The trouble with solving a symptom is another symptom will just surface to take its place because the root cause has not been addressed.  This causes more time to be spent on solving another symptom taking time away from working on the work of the organization.  It also causes more stress, anxiety and dissatisfaction in the workplace. Who needs that?

So if you are feeling stress, anxiety or dissatisfaction in the workplace, check in with your core values.

Here’s a little activity to help you determine if you core values are a good fit with your employer’s.  On a piece of paper, 1.write down your core values. (See post in Your Life.)  2. Write down examples of how each core value is “drawn into play” in your workplace.  3. Write the core values of your employer.  (If you don’t know the core values, check if any are published on the company’s website.  Or ask someone who might know.)  Then compare your core values to the those of the organization.  Are they aligned? Are there areas of conflict?

Knowing if there is alignment or differences will help you determine if you need to take action to make changes — In your own life or in your workplace.

And if you need a resource to help you clarify your core values, check out the Core Values eCourse.  It is a good tool to get you started.

Visit www.StrengthenTheHarmony.com to register for a webinar. Or give the Gift of Webinar to someone you care about.

Most of us would be able to say “Of course, I know my core values.”  If that is true, then try writing them down.  I think you will discover that when you try to write your core values, it is much harder than expected.  Try also writing how a specific core value manifests in your daily life.

Young mom carrying son

This is a great exercise.  How can we expect our children, spouses, relatives, employers and friends to “get us” if we are not clear in our own minds about the guiding principles we draw upon to make decisions.  Think of how much easier it would be to get your kids to understand your rules, if they knew your core values.  Think how much easier it would be to interact with your spouse or best friend if they knew your core values.  This could be a great conversation starter.

If you are looking for a resource to help you clarify your core values, check out the Core Values eCourse.  It is a good tool to get you started.

To add more harmony to your life, register for a  Strengthen the Harmony webinar.

The Bag Ladies Ball

I have two dear friends who just recently helped me restore some harmony to my personal perspective and work life.  We don’t live near to each other.  We don’t talk by phone often.  We might email once in awhile.  We all have our own busy lives filled with work, families, friends and community.  But we have a strong friendship.  We met as colleagues over 20 years ago.  We worked for different employers, but served on a state-wide association board together for a number of years.  When we went different ways, we discovered we missed seeing each other and decided that we didn’t need conferences or meetings as the reason to get together.  So we  started getting together for one “overnight” a year.  That has continued for  over 25 years.  We are still getting together for an “overnight.”  Sometimes we can even make it two nights.  Sometimes we can make it twice a year.  We have dubbed our get-together the “Bag Ladies Ball.”  (At some point in our lives, we were each close to being a bag lady.  And we also show up for our get-togethers with things stuffed in a variety of bags.)  Over the years we have supported each other through job changes, job losses, children being teenagers, children growing up and leaving home, children moving out of state, divorce, death of parents and loved ones and celebrated births, new beginnings, passages into different stages of life and just the gloriousness of being still connected to one another.

These two friends just helped me work through a slump I was in trying to pull the next few pieces of my business together.  One of them is awaiting the birth of her first grandchildren.  (Yes, its twins.)  The other has recently retired after a very active career and is now taking time to assess and determine what she wants to jump into next.

Friends!  True friends are rare.

How do you and your friends support each other?  How do you deal with your differences?  (even the dearest of friends can drive each other crazy once in a while.)  How do your friends help you strengthen the harmony in your life, family and work?

In my life, I wear the hat of spouse, mother, grandmother (of eight and it is the absolute blast), daughter, sister, business owner, friend, gardener, Great Dane and cat caregiver, bird feeder, volunteer and perpetual learner.  Trying to fill the role of each of these can be a daunting task.  Maintaining balance across all of them is difficult if not impossible.

The Juggling Act

If I try to balance all of them, I find myself becoming mediocre at some.  Mediocrity across all the roles does not work for me.   It only causes more stress.  What I’ve learned is there is an ebb and flow to the level of my involvement in all these roles.  When I have to focus on certain roles, I  remind myself it is OK to put others “hats” on the shelf for a bit.  (Obviously, you cannot do this with your children, although you may like to.)  I’ve also learned that there are ways that I can incorporate just a bit of time in my day for certain roles like life-long learner.  I’ve learned to make use of drive time to listen to audio tapes of things that interest me.  My car has a traveling library of audio tapes that I have to move when I put on my “grandma hat” and trade car seats for audio tapes.  I fill my iPod with educational programs, subliminal tapes and meditation programs and listen at night while falling asleep or while I’m traveling on a airplane, or walking the dog.

What “hats” do you wear?.  How do you manage your “hats?’  What tips or tricks have you learned that could help others?  Please share your thoughts so we all can learn.

Crossing my fingers

Questioning why I am not further. And much, much more. And crossing my fingers.

You see, I’m no different than everyone else who is working on achieving their goals, building the life they desire, and family harmony. We all want to reach our goals.  We all want to have the life we dream about.  But I know from my own life that sometimes it just feels like “I’m the only one struggling with this.” or “Why is this so hard?  Everyone else seems to get it so easily.” or ” How come I am not getting what I want as fast as others get what they want? or “Why do family or work needs keep taking priority over what I want to accomplish?”

Being Authentic is Important

I want this blog to be authentic and a place where readers can find resources that help them on their journey to strengthening the harmony in their life, family and work.

You see, I believe that the people we believe are successful — business owner, celebrities, happily married folks, etc.  — have all experienced their own personal demons and difficult times.  They just stuck with it and figured out how to get through and get better.  That is what this blog is all about.  Helping you to get through whatever is holding you back and get better at strengthening the harmony in your life, family and work.

I don’t know where this journey is taking me.  I only know that I was given the idea — somehow it floated into my head and at least I was wise enough to “hear it.”  Up until now, I have been reluctant to truly embrace it and take action to take the idea to the world.

But now I am taking action.  I hope “the world” will welcome the idea and use the resources to take action in their own lives.